Tuesday, November 07, 2006

And now.....Back to the important stuff

** DOGGY DICTIONARY **

LEASH: A strap, which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your human where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your humans have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. Claw if necessary.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your human makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container, which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread. Bring into the house when possible.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the human then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the stupid human, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, screaming and whining, following them everywhere, and clawing them constantly.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, old candy wrappers, and best of all, used Kleenex. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your human comes home.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to humans. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean. Be sure to do this after digging a nice muddy hole outside.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!” especially if your human is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events, or any outfit needing a fur accessory.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. Don't forget to claw, just because you can.

Hollybollyboo
(glad the focus is back on what's important)

4 comments:

Kelsey and Smokey said...

Holly you are one funny gal! I love all those definitions.

You are one smart Malamute!

Drool and Hugs,
Kel

Dachsies Rule said...

Holly,

Very well stated. We think you covered everything. Your humans must be so proud!

Roxie, Sammy & Andy

IndyPindy said...

That is an excellent doggie dictionary! Very well explained!

The Army of Four said...

Very well done!
Tail wags,
Storm
PS: We're finally updating our sidebar links and added you! Ha roo!